All I Can Give You Is Me
by artsc
Summary: When Beca and Chloe are kids, they meet over the fence. Beca's dad walks out, leaving Beca to question the reasoning behind marriage. Original Tumblr Prompt (ImagineyourOTP): Imagine your OTP meeting as little kids and swearing to each other that they'll get married some day. T because of later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

"He left." The words fell out of Beca's mouth without a thought. She was standing at the fence of her backyard, watching Chloe run around her own yard. At the sound of Beca's voice, Chloe quickly turned and ran to the fence.

"Talk, now, before you close yourself off again." Chloe commanded. She knew Beca all too well. As friends who met over the fence when they were each five years old, they were never far from each other. Chloe was there when Beca's dad walked out the first time, only to return the next morning. She was there when he threatened to walk out time after time. And Beca was there for her, whenever her own parents were working late or early, or when they were to exhausted to remember they had a kid.

"He just w-walked out the door with his- with his suitcase." Beca stammered, holding back tears. "He said that-" She gripped the fence until her knuckles were white. Her arms were shaking. "He said that he had it packed for weeks." Beca rushed through her words, still not sure herself how true they were. Now that she was saying it, it felt too real.

"Okay, sit down. You need to relax." Chloe said before running into her house. She did what any self-respecting twelve-year-old would do. She gathered up an old battery-powered CD player, a bag of chips, and a few notebooks and pens.

She ran back out to the fence, and Beca was sitting patiently where Chloe left her.

"Park?" Beca asked, knowing the answer already.

"You bet."

/

"Thanks for putting up with all this." Beca said, leaning back in the grass. They were at the top of the hill in the park, listening to one of Chloe's CDs. They passed the bag of chips back and forth and occasionally wrote in the notebooks. Chloe, ever the aspiring writer, always felt it was best to write during "emotional troubles" and all that.

"What else am I here for?" Chloe responded sincerely. She knew Beca was having a hard time, and it was in her nature to comfort people. "That's what friends are for."

"How am I supposed to come up with a sarcastic response to that, Chloe? Gosh, you make it so hard on me sometimes." Beca joked. She propped herself up on one arm and looked at Chloe. In the sun, her hair managed to look even brighter than it already was.

"It's a hard job, but someone has to break your sarcasm streak." Chloe laughed and closed the notebook she had been writing in. "This one's almost full."

"You started that one a year and a half ago. It was during winter break, and your parents were out late. You came over and stayed the night, because it was the first time your parents didn't come home before midnight." Beca casually said. Chloe just stared, unsure of how to respond.

"How do you remember that?" She asked, slightly confused.

"No idea. I just have a good memory, I guess. Like how we would always meet at the fence on Saturday mornings and you would write while I practiced guitar." Beca fiddled with the grass. "It was the first time he walked out."

"Wow. Yeah." Chloe was still shocked. She reached into the bag of chips and pulled out a handful before tossing the bag to Beca.

"Thanks. Anyways, I can't believe he actually did it." Beca muttered. Even though she knew it was coming, she had trouble hiding the fact that she was really bothered by what her dad had done.

"It's not your fault. He'll be back soon enough." Chloe reassured Beca.

"I know. I just wish there was something I could do." Beca said, now visibly distressed. "It sucks, being left alone like that. It would be different if my mom wasn't so, well, angry. She just always yells and yells and I just want to yell back, to tell her that it's not my problem, it's hers."

Beca's outburst ended in sudden silence. She was back to lying on the grass, and Chloe joined her.

"I'm never getting myself into that situation. I'm just not going to fall in love." Beca said firmly. "Friends are all I need. No, hell, I just need you. That's it."

/

_"I'm never getting married. It's just going to end badly." Beca said. It was Saturday, and she and Chloe had been talking at their fence for a while before Beca decided it would be good to get a change of scenery. So, they were at the park, on top of the hill._

_ "No, you can't say that." Chloe chuckled, but stopped herself before she could continue. "I mean, we're seven. You can't really decide that yet, can you?"_

_ "Yeah, I can." Beca was more forceful with her words this time. "I need a really good reason to change my mind, Chloe. Good luck."_

_ "Well, for one, love is what everyone is supposed to want in life. It's what brings people together." Chloe thought back to all the books she read. It seemed like no matter what the story, love was what pushed the characters through to the end. "Plus, you never know what will happen later on." Chloe placed her hand on top of Beca's reassuringly. "We'll just have to wait and see."_

_/_

"You never fail to be the little rebel, Beca." Chloe said. She knew Beca would rant for a few days, then be back to her normal sarcastic self. But until then, it was best to help Beca through this.

"Always a pleasure." Beca responded while imitating a bow. "But really, I just don't get why people are so dead-set on marriage or whatever." She reached over Chloe to grab a notebook and pen and started writing furiously. Without looking up, Beca continued talking. "Sorry, just had to write something down. But, really, it just seems like there's no good reason to risk all that pain just for the small chance of happiness."

"We'll just have to wait and see."


	2. Chapter 2

_Five Years Later_

They were in their spot on top of the hill. Now they were seventeen. But not much changed.

"He called the other day, you know." Beca said nonchalantly. "He said that he could get us into Barden for free." She leaned back in the grass, which was already pressed down after years of her and Chloe sitting there.

"Sounds like a plan, then. Do they have a good writing program?" Chloe asked, already flipping through her notebook. "If they need a portfolio or whatever, I can put that together."

Beca put her hand on Chloe's notebook to stop her from searching through the pages.

"He also said that he wants to introduce me to his girlfriend."

Chloe froze. She knew that Beca was going to have another marriage rant. Before Beca could even start, Chloe sat up on her knees and pulled Beca up into a sitting position.

/

_"Love doesn't always need a good reason, okay?" Chloe said. She waited for a second before continuing. "Just promise me one thing." She held out a balled fist with just her pinky sticking out._

_ "What, are we five?" Beca whined. Chloe's glare warned her otherwise, though, so she wrapped her own pinky around Chloe's. "Okay, what's the promise?" She asked, not sure what to expect. Chloe smirked._

_ "No, we're clearly ten." Chloe responded sarcastically. "Promise that of you don't get married by the time we're out of college, we'll get married."_

_ "Deal." Beca said. With Chloe, there was no such thing as a compromise. Plus, in moments like this, Chloe tended to say weird things. It was a consequence of the need to help._

_/_

"I can't give you a reason for why people love, okay?" Chloe said, knowing what Beca would eventually say. "I can't give you a reason. It's just not one of those things that makes perfect sense."

"I know." Beca muttered, astounded at Chloe's quick reaction. Beca was slightly embarrassed and wanted to change the topic. "Remember that day when we were ten?"

"There were 365 of them, Beca. You have to be more specific." Chloe said, grinning.

"Since when are you the clever, sarcastic one?" Beca asked in mock anger. "Anyways, it was the day we promised to get married if we weren't married by the time we left college."

"Oh, yeah! You looked so freaked out when I made you promise me that!"

"Did not, dude."

"Um, yeah, you did."

"Fine." Beca mumbled. "Anyways, I was wondering if, well-"  
"As much as you would love to break that deal by claiming it was a joke, I'm not letting you." Chloe cut off Beca and smiled, knowing that she had Beca cornered.

"No, not that." Beca ran a hand through her hair and sighed. Chloe kept making this harder and harder on her. "I was just making sure the offer still stood."

"Smooth, Beca. And yes, pinky promises are forever."

/

Beca blamed Chloe for her new habit of writing. Now, whenever she had a free moment, it was with her notebook, in her room, with the lights off, furiously typing away. It just made her feel better to see stuff on paper, where it would stay the same no matter what happened after.

_Almost asked. Couldn't._

Even though she was too nervous to write in full sentences, she knew exactly what she meant. At least she was writing.

_Can't. There's no reason. I'm not doing that to myself._

"Beca!" The shout shocked her out of her concentration.

"Mom, I'm busy!" Beca yelled back. It was about ten o'clock at night, and Beca wanted some peace and quiet for her to write.

"It's Chloe!"

_Chloe._

"Be down in a sec, just relax."

Beca quickly closed her notebook and dashed down the stairs, almost falling a few times. She found Chloe on the couch in the living room, holding a sleeping bag and a duffel bag.

"Hey." Chloe said, looking at the wooden floor.

"Hey." Beca echoed, also focusing on the floor.

"They're asleep. They just got home. When I came downstairs, they were fighting again, and I just couldn't stay there." Chloe explained. She fingered the edge of her sleeping bag and looked up at Beca, who was standing on the bottom step.

"Come on, let's get you set up." Beca grinned. It had been years since Chloe had to come sleep over because of her parents. Something about it just felt normal, having Chloe show up late at night to stay over. It was consistent. It had reason. It protected them from their parent's dysfunctional relationships.

It wasn't long before Chloe was in Beca's room, on the floor, staring up at the ceiling. Beca turned in her bed to face Chloe.

"Chloe." She whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Never mind."

"Ok then. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

/

The sun shone brightly through Beca's window, waking up both girls. Slowly, they made their way to the kitchen, where Beca's mom was already fixing breakfast.

"Thanks again, Mrs. Mitchell, for having me over." Chloe said, surprisingly already fully awake.

"Any time, Chlo." She responded cheerily. "Here, have some waffles." She put a plate piled with waffles on the kitchen table next to a bottle of syrup and two other empty plates. "I'm heading out now. Make sure Beca makes it safely from the stairs to the chair." She joked, nodding towards Beca, who was shuffling groggily down the hall.

"Mom, come on…" Beca groaned through her sleepy haze. "I'm not that pathetic. I'll admit, I'm pathetic, just not _that_ pathetic." But by the time she got the words out, her mom was out the door. "This is why my family isn't working. First waffles, then out the door." She yawned and stretched her arms.

"Someone's cheery in the morning." Chloe said. "Just like always."

"Yeah. Just like always." Beca replied as she stacked her plate with waffles. "Just like pinky promises, right? Always and forever."

"That actually sounds pretty cool." Chloe said, pulling out a pen and scribbling on a napkin. "By the way, I saw you have quite a few notebooks piling up in you room."

"Yeah, well, you rubbed off on me." Beca said, smiling. Chloe was smiling, too, which put Beca a little on edge. "What?"

"This is fun, is all. It's been awhile." She responded. Without another word, they dug into their breakfast. But Chloe kept wondering what Beca wanted to tell her before they fell asleep. Beca, though, was content not to bring it up again. At least until she was ready to ask again.


	3. Chapter 3

_One Week Later_

"Chloe?" Beca asked quietly as she watched Chloe through the fence.

"Yeah?" Chloe was doing the same, waiting for what she knew would be a difficult moment for Beca. It always started like that, with them at the fence, just talking. She was ready, or so she thought.

"Well, I was, um, wondering if, maybe-" Beca said, having trouble keeping her sentences together. "This really shouldn't be all that hard." Beca's comment was met with confusion from Chloe, who was starting to wonder what was really going on.

"You know that if you need to say anything, it'll be okay. I'm here for you." Chloe gripped the fence as if it were Beca's hand. She blamed her comforting nature.

"Yeah, that what makes it harder on me." Beca replied curtly. "Okay. Just give me a minute."

"I have time."

"Okay, Chloe. Just give me a minute."

"No problem."

Now Beca was getting nervous. She was shutting down, like she always did.

"Seriously, give me a minute." Beca pressed her palms to the sides of her head. She couldn't think. She just kept remembering Chloe and the hill and the notebooks and the lack of reason. "Just give me a second, okay? I just need a-"

"A reason." Chloe finished Beca's sentence and gracefully hopped over the fence. "I know. You keep asking for time, for reasons, for some sense of direction. You want me to give you the answer. But all I can give you is me."

"That sounds really good. You should write that down." Beca said angrily. But, she was angry with herself for not being able to say what she needed to say.

"I already did. Months ago." Chloe said as she pulled a folded piece of paper from her pocket. "I've just been waiting for the right time to say it out loud."

Beca took that paper from Chloe and looked at it, still folded, in her hands. She flipped it over a few times, examining the dirty edges and torn corners.

"I don't know what you're doing, Beca, but sometimes, things just don't have a reason. Sometimes, it's just two people." Chloe gestured to her paper, inviting Beca to open it.

Instead, Beca slid the paper into her own pocket and faced Chloe.

"Chloe, I think I like you and it doesn't make sense and I hate that, you know, and I just think relationships are bullshit and doomed to fail but you seem so positive and now I'm stopping before I rant more." Beca stopped and took a deep breath before continuing. "I know this isn't like the books you read, or the story you expected. But I guess it doesn't have to be. I don't know. I've been looking for a reason, and I think that's what I want, but the more I think the more I wonder if it's you that I want." Beca turned away as soon as she finished talking and bit her lip.

Chloe walked around to face Beca again and cautiously reached out her hand. Beca shook her head and stepped back against the fence.

"I'm sorry I did that. I shouldn't have done that." Beca said, avoiding eye contact with Chloe.

"You still didn't read the paper." Chloe reminded her.

"Look, Chloe, this isn't one of your stories, okay?" Beca groaned, getting slightly annoyed. "This is real life. Here, people don't always know exactly what to do or what to say. Things aren't just solved by a letter or a single sentence. Things go wrong."

"But how do you know they'll go wrong if you don't even try?" Chloe was begging Beca now. She was clenching her fists in frustration. Beca couldn't respond to that. Instead, she shoved her hands into her pockets. Chloe did the same, trying to hide her growing anger.

"Aren't we supposed to learn from our parent's mistakes?" Beca asked, trying to reason with Chloe.

"Aren't we supposed to live our own lives?"

Again, Beca was rendered speechless. Chloe continued her attack.

"You didn't even let me respond. You're too wrapped up in the risk. You don't even think about whether it might be worth it."

"Chloe, I'm sorry, okay? I just-"

"No, Beca. Go inside, read the paper. Then, when you've grown out of your shell like an adult, you know where to find me. Promise?" Chloe stared Beca down, waiting for an answer.

"Promise."

Chloe climbed over the fence and ran into her house. Beca was left staring at the space Chloe left, wondering if she risked too much by staying silent for so long.

/

Beca sat on her bed. She had just walked in from her encounter with Chloe. Reluctantly, she pulled the paper out of her pocket and unfolded it. Beca carefully took in each word, scribbled in Chloe's slanted writing.

_It was a long day. They sat on the hill and watched the orange sun slowly sink below the horizon. Together, they made the whole that each so longed for but were to blind to see._

_ They could give themselves to each other, but they just sat and watched, waiting and watching the sunset, waiting for a reason. But there was no reason, only them. In that moment, although they didn't realize it, they didn't need a reason._

_ They just needed each other._

Beca finished reading and let go of the paper, letting it fall to the ground. She stared at the words on the page, knowing what they said but not wanting to let their message reach her. But they managed to wedge themselves into her bran until she had the entire paper memorized.

It was only after she reached down to pick it up that she noticed the date.

_11/29/12_

_/_

_"Always write the date. You never know when you'll need it." Chloe was lecturing Beca about the good habits of writing again. "That way, you can look back and remember just what you were doing when you were writing."_

_ "But, wouldn't you be just writing then?" Beca asked, trying to wrap her brain around Chloe's fascination with the written word._

_ "No, no, never. People are always doing something else when they write. They listen to music, they eat, they think. I sing while I write. The day reminds me of the song." Chloe listed each activity on her finger as she spoke._

_ "I never hear you sing, you know. I had no idea you liked to sing." Beca said, impressed at Chloe's newfound hobby._

_/_

"This girl is going to be the death of me." Beca mumbled as she ran out of her room and out her back door. As much as she wanted to be alone and think, she felt obligated to see Chloe. She wasn't one to break a promise.


	4. Chapter 4

_This is the ending, I hope you all like it! Thanks so much for all the feedback and such._

* * *

"You wrote it months ago." Beca stated as soon as Chloe opened her back door. Beca didn't bother going around to the front of Chloe's house, knowing that Chloe was probably expecting her to come through he back.

"Yeah." Chloe responded quietly. She was sitting in her favorite chair, reading a book. She didn't look up as she continued talking. "So?"

"So, I get it. It was us in your little story." Beca rubbed her temples with her forefingers. "I guess you like me too, then. Well that's just fantastic." Beca's voice said otherwise.

"I know you're not ready." Chloe said, still looking at her book. "I just want you to know that I am, whenever you are."

"What the hell, Chloe?"

"What?" Chloe dropped her book and stood up to face Beca. "What the hell to you!"

"No, okay? The second I open up to you, you abandoned me. Just like he did." Her words were dripping with fear and regret, but still with enough anger to shock Chloe.

"I'm sorry, but you know that my end hasn't been all dandy either." Chloe turned to pick up her book, but Beca pulled her up before she could reach it.

"I'm sorry, too. When I read your paper, I realized just how much I hurt you. So here I am. Do I have a reason? No. I'm just here because I made a promise to you. I will continue to be here for you because I made you that promise years ago. But that's not it. I'll be here because I need you, Chloe." Beca reached out her hand and placed it gently on Chloe's cheek. "I can't give you my reasons for being a total dick. All I can give you is me. Always and forever."

"Okay." Chloe whispered, unable to find more words. But that was all that needed to be said.

/

Together, Beca and Chloe walked to the park and sat in their usual spot.

"That was very anti-climactic." Chloe joked as they watched the clouds.

"Like I said, as much as you would like, this isn't one of your stories." Beca reached over and held Chloe's hand. "Promise you won't leave like he did."

"I'm really rubbing off on you, aren't I?" Chloe said. She turned onto he side to face Beca. "Do you really need me to promise that?"

"I don't know. Do I?'

"Not at all."

"Thanks. For everything." Beca smiled at the whole situation. It was everything she was skeptical of, and yet she loved it. It had no reason, but she did it anyways. For once, it was enough to just let go.

They stayed there until the sun set, leaving the hill glowing with the last remaining bits of sunlight.

/

_ "So, that promise." Beca said, trying to be nonchalant._

_ "Yeah?" Chloe was shuffling around in her dresser, only half-paying attention to Beca. They finally made it to Barden in one piece, and free of charge. They managed to maintain their relationship through four years of college and many more promises._

_ "Well, I'm just making sure the offer still stood."  
"Why? The deal was that if we weren't married by the time we were out of college, we would marry each other. Aren't we kind of already on that road?" Chloe kept searching in her dresser, unaware of Beca's presence behind her. "Why are you always so caught up in that promise?" Chloe turned around, ready to pull Beca out of another emotional hole if need be. But when she did, she found Beca about a foot lover than expected. On one knee, Beca held up one hand with her pinky extended._

_ "Chloe, will you marry me?"_

_ Chloe looked down at Beca with a million words in her head. But none of them seemed right. So she reached out her own hand and wrapped her pinky around Beca's. Then, in one of Chloe's finer moments as a writer, she came up with the perfect thing to say._

_ "I promise."_

_ "You're going to go write this down now, aren't you?"_

_ "You know it, Beca."_

/

_Four Years Later_

Beca was relaxing on the couch in her and Chloe's living room. She was reading a book, the very last chapter. Although she would never admit it, the ending was making her cry just a little bit. Even though she knew the words as she read them, they felt new.

_"I can't give you the reason I left. All I can give you-"_

_ "Is me."_

_ "Always,"  
"And forever."_

_ They embraced, savoring each other's warmth. There was no reason, only them. In that moment, although they didn't realize it, they didn't need a reason._

_ They just needed each other._

_ That was all they could give._

"Chloe, I can't believe you actually published a book." Beca said, closing the book. She pushed aside a stray piece of Chloe's hair. "You really are amazing."

"I had some help from a very talented writer." Chloe reached over to grab the book Beca was holding. She started re-read the last page out loud, with Beca naturally taking on the other character. After a few lines, neither of them needed the book. They knew the words, they story, and the message. It was their story, and there were no others like it.


End file.
